So mum, I know I’m going to get loads and loads of presents but here’s what I really, really want for Christmas…
It’s really yummy and I can’t get enough of it. I especially like when I can lie back and do a starfish and not make any effort to hold the bottle. More of that good stuff. Keep it flowing.
You’ve started giving me mushy fruit and stuff. It’s okay I guess, I kind of like apples, pears and strawberries but I’m not keen on blueberries or carrots. They’re weird. Does anyone even like them? I also like doing a mic drop with my spoon and smearing food all over my face and hands. That’s fun. And don’t even think about eating if I’m not. That’s so not cool!
The Remote Control
Basically anything that I’m not allowed. It’s fun to change channels when you’re watching something you like. I also like tinfoil, crisp packets and zips. Not fussy really.
Why can’t you wear your hair down all the time mum? I like seeing you wince when I pull it. It’s also good to suck on.
I want you to always be on hand to put it in when it falls out of my mouth. It’s annoying and far too much effort to put it back in my mouth myself. Yes, I know I pull it out myself, but, come on, I’m a baby!
I love sleeping. I’m a baby. I’d like you to respect this by being quiet when I have my afternoon naps and please do not make any sounds during the nighttime. Breathing is permitted, if you must.
Not too tight please, just enough so I can feel nice and cosy. Don’t put me down even when your arms start to hurt.
Belching, wretching, fart sounds. The ruder the better! Does this make me a proper bloke? Hope so.
I like fluffy stuff so it’s annoying when the silly cat jumps off when I grab it.
Hanging Upside Down
This is a lot of fun for me, I don’t care if it hurts your arms. Whatever.
If you adhere to the above, I guess I’ll wish you a happy Christmas. Not happier than mine obviously.
Also, I still want new toys that I can play with for five minutes before getting bored and nice new clothes that I can vomit on. And I’m going to get you back for dressing me as a pudding.