Things I wish I'd done before turning 40…

I’ve just over a week to go before I enter the next decade of my life. I’m excited, overwhelmed, trepidatious but ultimately happy with my lot. The past two years of my life have taught me a lot about myself, what I’m willing to accept and what I’m not. I have a very low tolerance for drama, I’m wholly committed to becoming the best version of myself and also committed to my incredible family, my refuge, my rock.

My world.

Regrets, I’ve got a few, but they’ve all led me to where I am at this moment. I’ve always believed that ‘everything is happening perfectly’. I wish I knew what I know now in my early 30’s. I’ve been irresponsible, foolish with my heart, reckless with money but now, (you’d hope), I feel grown-up, properly grown-up. I don’t have the stamina of my youth, I go to bed early, suffer awful hangovers, and have various physical ailments but some days I feel giddy with excitement, I want to get dressed up and hit the town, I want to buy that over-priced dress, I want to laugh and giggle ’til my belly hurts.

I might be almost 40 but in many ways, I feel my life is just beginning. I’ve already got what I wanted, a family. But, there are still things I want to achieve for me. I finally freed myself of the shackles of an office job and I’m self-employed as a writer and social media manager. I love and need flexibility in my career. Family is everything and so it goes that everything revolves around family.

However, if I could have a word with my younger self, this is what I’d do…

Learned to drive.

I’ve probably taken well over 100 lessons over the years but have never quite mastered it. I’ve started and stopped, for a variety of reasons – money, confidence, and frustration. I know driving will give me the independence I crave but I fear I’m not ‘cut out’ to drive. It’s so important, especially when you’re a mum. Thankfully my hubby can drive but I’d like the freedom of being able to jump into a car and get to where I want to go without having to depend on a lift or public transport. Maybe 2020 will be my year to get in the driving seat…

Travelled more.

I’m lucky to have seen a little of the world with my husband but there’s much more I want to see. Yes, financial constraints and work commitments have played their part but travelling is so good for the soul. I love blue skies, feeling the sun on my skin, sinking my toes into the sand, immersing myself into a new culture. As an independent and adventurous soul, seeing more of the world is on my bucket list.

Row the boat… in Venice.

Loved myself more.

It’s taken a while. I wouldn’t say I’m quite there but I’m getting there. I’m a decent person, I’m not perfect. I’m lucky to have some incredible women in my life, if you’re reading, you know who you are. I’ve doubted myself, agonised over things I’ve done or said. But, I know I’m good. I’m kind, loyal and a good listener. I wish I could go back in time and hug the teenager, the 20-something, tell her I was good enough. My mum has always told me I was special but I felt unworthy of such an adjective. I feel worthy now.

Almost 40…

Started a family earlier.

I didn’t get pregnant until I was 38. But truth be told, I never felt that maternal urge. My close friends getting pregnant awakened a yearning in me, a yearning that was unfamiliar but strong. Thankfully, I got pregnant easily and delivered a perfect little boy on June 18, 2018. Sonny has changed my life beyond recognition. I get it now, the sacrifice, the exhaustion, the paralysing fear that comes with being a mum. It’s also the most life-affirming experience of my life. Sonny brings me so much joy, more than I thought I’d ever experience. I’m so grateful to him for allowing me to experience the greatest love of all. It’s humbling and so wonderful. I’d love a brother or sister, as crazy as that would be. I don’t think I’m done just yet.

Worked for myself earlier.

I’ve been a slave to a wage for so long. It’s the most soul-destroying thing to be in a job where you feel powerless. I’ve fantasised about becoming self-employed, about getting paid to do something I loved. It’s so important, you spend so much of your life working. It’s so pointless to do something every day that you have no passion for, it’s a waste of a life. Yes, I know there are bills, there are dependents, but it will change your life if you look forward to doing your job.

Been better with money.

I think I have the shopping gene if there is such a thing. I’ve always been a lover of beautiful things. I’ve never really felt that guilt that you should feel after you’ve spent an extortionate amount on a handbag or dress. Yes, it’s important to look and feel good. My husband who is a financial advisor is horrified at what I spend my money on (sometimes I am too), but I’m impulsive and I do get a thrill from buying beautiful things. Yes, I need to reign in my spending as we’re saving for a new home. But maybe next year will be my year to be sensible. Hmmm.

Striding into the next decade!

Overall, it’s been a great decade. I met my husband, had a baby and started a new career. I’m looking forward to my 40’s. It still feels a bit surreal but I’ll get used to it. On December 21, I’ll turn 40 and celebrate with my family and friends. I can’t wait.

Thank you for reading and I hope you’ll join me as I becoming a 40-something!

Lots of love, Davina xx

Happy birthday to me!

I’m 39. How the heck did that happen? To celebrate, I will be slipping on my killer sparkly heels, wearing a knockout LBD and hitting the town to drink until the wee hours and roll home at whatever time I can get a taxi. Only kidding.

As a teenager, I thought 30 was ancient and here I am, almost four decades into my existence on planet Earth. It’s been the best and most challenging year of my life and one of two halves, the first six months I was growing a tiny human and spending my days dreaming about what he would look like, yearning to hold him. The second part was becoming a mother. The hardest and most rewarding job I’ll ever do.

I’ll spend the last year of my thirties trying to be the best mum I can be and attempting to check a few more things of the bucket list before I turn the big 4-0. Growing older is a strange thing. You don’t really notice your familiar face blinking back at you each day changing, bar the ever increasing fine lines around the eyes, the odd silver hair. Some days, I fizzle with energy, excited for the future and other days, I just feel old.

However, I have everything I wanted in my early thirties, a solid, dependable man who loves me, a nice home that I feel safe in, a beautiful son. Plus, I have a pretty incredible support network in the shape of my wonderful family and friends. I’m lucky and I really am grateful for it. I still have ambitions, I am still a woman with hopes and dreams and I’m always going to be chasing rainbows, that’s just who I am.

I might not be going clubbing this year, but my lovely hubby will be taking me out for a slap up birthday meal of steak and red wine. It’s the stuff of dreams. It doesn’t take much to make me happy, but I just said it. I’m happy. That’s the best birthday present I could ask for.


He’s not getting near my birthday cake!